Bessel van der Kolk's poignant assertion that "Adults need play too. We have forgotten this" serves as a gentle reminder of the essential role that playfulness holds in our lives, regardless of age. In a world that often prioritizes productivity and seriousness, this quote invites us to reflect on what we may have lost in our journey toward adulthood. The stakes are high; neglecting the need for play can lead to a disconnection from our authentic selves, stifling creativity and joy, and ultimately hindering our capacity for healing and connection.
As we navigate the complexities of adult life, the notion of play often becomes relegated to the realm of childhood, dismissed as frivolous or unnecessary. Yet, van der Kolk's words challenge us to reconsider this perspective. Play is not merely a leisure activity; it is a vital expression of our humanity, a means through which we can explore, connect, and heal. By acknowledging our need for play, we open ourselves to a fuller experience of life, one that encompasses both the lightness of joy and the depth of healing.
The image / the metaphor
The imagery in van der Kolk's quote evokes a sense of nostalgia and loss, suggesting that play is an innate part of our being that has been overshadowed by the demands of adulthood. The verb "forgotten" carries a weight of sadness, as it implies a collective amnesia regarding the importance of play. This loss is not just personal; it reflects a societal trend that prioritizes work over play, seriousness over spontaneity. The felt sense of this quote resonates deeply, as many adults can recall moments of joy and freedom from their childhoods, contrasting sharply with the often rigid structures of adult life.
In the speaker's tradition
Van der Kolk's insights are deeply rooted in the tradition of trauma healing, which emphasizes the importance of the body and the mind in the recovery process. Concepts such as "somatic experiencing" and "embodied awareness" highlight the necessity of reconnecting with our physical selves to process and heal from trauma. In this context, play can be seen as a form of "kenosis," or self-emptying, where individuals let go of their inhibitions and allow themselves to be vulnerable and open to new experiences. This act of surrender is essential for healing, as it creates space for joy and connection.
Furthermore, the notion of play aligns with the Buddhist concept of "sunyata," or emptiness, which invites us to release our attachments and embrace the fluidity of existence. In this light, play becomes a practice of mindfulness, allowing us to engage fully with the present moment without the weight of past traumas or future anxieties. Van der Kolk's work echoes the teachings found in various spiritual texts, such as the "Tibetan Book of the Dead," which emphasizes the importance of maintaining a light-hearted spirit even in the face of suffering. By integrating play into our lives, we honor the wisdom of these traditions and cultivate a deeper sense of healing and connection.
Living the teaching
Consider a modern scenario where the need for play becomes evident: a workplace that prioritizes productivity over well-being. Employees may find themselves trapped in a cycle of stress and burnout, their creativity stifled by the relentless demands of deadlines and performance metrics. In such an environment, introducing moments of play—whether through team-building activities, creative brainstorming sessions, or simply allowing for breaks that encourage laughter and connection—can transform the workplace culture. By fostering an atmosphere that values play, organizations can enhance employee morale, creativity, and overall well-being.
On a more personal level, think about how this teaching can manifest in relationships. In moments of tension or conflict, couples may find themselves caught in patterns of seriousness and defensiveness. By intentionally incorporating play into their interactions—through shared activities, humor, or light-hearted banter—partners can create a space for healing and reconnection. This playful approach not only alleviates stress but also deepens intimacy, allowing both individuals to express their authentic selves without fear of judgment. In daily practice, embracing play can serve as a powerful antidote to the weight of adult responsibilities, reminding us that joy is not a luxury but a necessity.
A reflection
As we contemplate van der Kolk's assertion, we are invited to reflect on our own lives: How often do we prioritize play and joy amidst our responsibilities? In what ways can we reclaim the spirit of playfulness that may have been lost in the pursuit of adulthood? These questions serve as a gentle nudge to explore the balance between work and play, encouraging us to integrate moments of joy into our daily lives. By doing so, we not only honor our own well-being but also contribute to a more vibrant and connected world.
