Teaching on choice
“Every time you are given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else.”
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Glennon Doyle

Choosing Authenticity Over Approval

In her poignant assertion, Glennon Doyle reminds us that when faced with the choice of disappointing others or betraying our own integrity, we must prioritize our own truth. This quote encapsulates a profound struggle many of us encounter: the tension between societal expectations and personal authenticity. The stakes are high; choosing to honor oneself can lead to discomfort in relationships, yet it is essential for genuine self-fulfillment and growth.

Doyle's words resonate deeply in a world where the pressure to conform often overshadows the call to be true to oneself. The act of disappointing someone else may feel like a betrayal, yet it is a necessary step toward self-liberation. By embracing this duty to ourselves, we cultivate a life that is not only more authentic but also more aligned with our deepest values and aspirations.

The image / the metaphor

The imagery in Doyle's quote evokes a vivid landscape of choices, where each path diverges into two distinct directions: one leading toward external approval and the other toward internal truth. The verbs "given" and "disappointing" suggest a sense of agency and responsibility, highlighting that these choices are not merely passive occurrences but active decisions we must make. The felt sense of this choice is palpable; it is a moment of reckoning that can stir feelings of guilt, fear, and liberation.

In the speaker's tradition

Glennon Doyle's insights are rooted in modern spirituality, which emphasizes authenticity, self-compassion, and the courage to embrace one's true self. This perspective aligns closely with the concept of dharma, which in many spiritual traditions refers to one's true purpose or path in life. By prioritizing our own needs and desires, we honor our unique journey and fulfill our dharma, even when it means disappointing others.

In her book "Untamed," Doyle weaves personal narratives with broader spiritual themes, echoing the sentiments found in works by other contemporary thinkers. For instance, the idea of kenosis, or self-emptying, resonates here; it invites us to release the need for external validation in favor of a deeper connection with our true selves. This self-emptying is not about neglecting others but rather about recognizing that our authenticity can inspire and uplift those around us.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching might resonate: a professional faced with the choice of pursuing a career path that pleases their family or one that aligns with their passions. The pressure to conform to familial expectations can be immense, yet choosing to follow one's heart may lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life. This decision, while difficult, embodies the essence of Doyle's quote, as it prioritizes personal truth over external approval.

In the realm of relationships, this teaching can manifest in moments of conflict or disagreement. For instance, a friend may request your support in a decision that feels misaligned with your values. By choosing to express your truth, even at the risk of disappointing them, you honor both your integrity and the authenticity of the relationship. This practice of honest communication fosters deeper connections built on mutual respect and understanding.

A reflection

As we contemplate the wisdom of Glennon Doyle's quote, we are invited to reflect on our own lives and the choices we face. Are there moments where you have prioritized others' expectations over your own truth? What would it look like to embrace the discomfort of disappointing someone else in favor of honoring your authentic self? This contemplation can serve as a powerful catalyst for personal growth and transformation.

Artist
Glennon Doyle

Wisdom from Glennon Doyle.

Got Questions?

Frequently Asked Questions

Glennon Doyle suggests that when faced with a choice, we often prioritize others' expectations over our own truth. Disappointing someone else means making a decision that may not align with their desires but is essential for our own integrity and authenticity.
You can apply this teaching by regularly assessing your choices and the motivations behind them. When faced with a decision, ask yourself whether you are prioritizing others' approval over your own needs, and consider how you might honor your truth instead.
Yes, the concept of prioritizing personal authenticity over external validation is a recurring theme in modern spirituality. Authors like Brené Brown and Tara Brach also explore the importance of self-acceptance and the courage to be vulnerable in the face of societal pressures.
Authenticity involves being true to oneself while considering the impact of our choices on others. In contrast, selfishness disregards others' feelings and needs. Authenticity seeks to balance personal truth with compassion for those around us.
Mindfulness and self-reflection practices can support living this teaching. Regularly journaling about your feelings and choices can help clarify your values and guide you in making decisions that honor your authentic self.
Navigating relationships while disappointing others requires open communication and empathy. Express your feelings honestly while also acknowledging the other person's perspective, fostering a dialogue that respects both your truth and their feelings.

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