Bessel van der Kolk's poignant observation that "many traumatized people seem to be able to feel only when they are afraid or angry" invites us to reflect on the constricted emotional landscape often inhabited by those who have experienced trauma. This statement underscores a profound reality: trauma can narrow our emotional responses, limiting our ability to engage with the full spectrum of human feelings. The stakes are high, as this limitation not only affects personal well-being but also impacts relationships and the capacity for joy, connection, and healing.
In a world that often celebrates emotional resilience and authenticity, van der Kolk's words serve as a reminder of the complexities of trauma. For many, the only emotions that surface are those tied to survival—fear and anger—while deeper feelings of love, joy, and peace remain buried beneath layers of pain. This emotional constriction can lead to a sense of isolation and disconnection, making it imperative for us to understand and address the underlying trauma that shapes these responses. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward healing and reclaiming a fuller emotional life.
The image / the metaphor
The imagery in van der Kolk's quote evokes a stark landscape of emotional desolation, where fear and anger are the only visible peaks in an otherwise flat terrain. The verbs "feel" and "seem" suggest a tentative relationship with these emotions, as if they are the only permissible expressions in a world that has become too dangerous for vulnerability. This limited emotional palette paints a picture of survival rather than living, where the richness of human experience is overshadowed by the shadows of past trauma.
Diving deeper into this metaphor, we can see that fear and anger serve as both shields and barriers. They protect the individual from further harm, yet simultaneously imprison them within a narrow emotional bandwidth. This duality highlights the paradox of trauma: while these emotions may provide a sense of control, they also inhibit the natural flow of feelings that are essential for healing. The challenge lies in expanding this emotional landscape, allowing for the emergence of gentler feelings that have been stifled by the weight of past experiences.
In the speaker's tradition
Situated within the realm of trauma healing, van der Kolk's insights resonate deeply with concepts found in various spiritual traditions. The notion of kenosis, or self-emptying, parallels the journey of releasing the tightly held emotions of fear and anger to make space for more expansive feelings. Similarly, the Buddhist concept of sunyata, or emptiness, invites us to recognize the transient nature of emotions, encouraging a detachment from the rigid identities formed by trauma. In this light, van der Kolk's work aligns with a broader understanding of healing that transcends mere symptom management.
In "The Body Keeps the Score," van der Kolk emphasizes the importance of body awareness and mindfulness in the healing process. This echoes the teachings found in texts such as the Yoga Sutras, which advocate for a deep connection between body and mind as a pathway to emotional liberation. Just as the sutras guide practitioners toward a state of equanimity, van der Kolk's work encourages individuals to reconnect with their bodies, allowing for a fuller range of emotional experiences to emerge from the depths of trauma.
Living the teaching
Consider a modern scenario where this teaching resonates: a person who has experienced significant trauma may find themselves in a heated argument, where anger becomes their primary emotional expression. In this moment, they may feel justified in their anger, yet beneath it lies a well of sadness and vulnerability that remains unacknowledged. By recognizing this pattern, they can begin to explore the underlying feelings that fuel their anger, creating an opportunity for deeper emotional engagement and healing.
In relationships, this teaching can manifest in moments of conflict where one partner feels only anger or fear, shutting down the possibility for connection. By cultivating awareness of these emotional triggers, individuals can practice vulnerability, sharing their fears and insecurities rather than allowing anger to dominate the conversation. This shift not only fosters intimacy but also paves the way for a more profound understanding of one another, transforming the relationship into a space of healing rather than a battleground.
A reflection
As we contemplate van der Kolk's insightful words, we are invited to ask ourselves: "What emotions do I allow myself to feel, and which ones do I suppress?" This question encourages a deep exploration of our emotional landscapes, prompting us to consider how trauma may have shaped our responses. By engaging with this inquiry, we can begin to unravel the layers of our emotional experiences, opening ourselves to the possibility of healing and a richer, more connected life.
